I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I want her autograph on my taint
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
