Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
