Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
