Got a toothbrush?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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