is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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