Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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