She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
