You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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