I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
