just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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