So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
