were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
