I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We are all done wearing pants today
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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