Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
