do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
