oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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