feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
