Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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