he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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