i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
