I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!