I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
