I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!