theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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