so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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