I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
