I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
