the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
