Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
