did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
