Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just threw up on my dentist
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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