Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
