babies were throwing up all over the place
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
