right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
