How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
