Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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