I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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