ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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