When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
