That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
