i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
