The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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