hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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