I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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