Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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