went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
