is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
two words...techno handjob
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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