finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He did a backflip because drugs
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
