you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
