I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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