She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
