Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
