if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
