I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
