i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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