is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
