Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
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