we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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