Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
