Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
