In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
