All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
