I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Your dad touched me again.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
