I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
