I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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