hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
