Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
