Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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