Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
