My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
