so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
