Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the right to judge tonight
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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