frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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