he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
