I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
