If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
