Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
