I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
