You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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