i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
