how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
