Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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