i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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